Ask a Goblin

Will toes also help with training tigers?

Yes. Assuming you’re training them to eat you.

-Jig the Goblin

Dear Jig, where can humans buy klak beer? -Intoxicated

You wouldn’t ask that question if you knew what we used to make klak beer…

-Jig the Goblin

How would you deal with someone at work who keeps correcting your spelling and grammer? And what do you think of a serial comma?

I suggest learning better spelling and grammar.

And to use human slang, the serial comma is the dung! (Did I say that right?)

-Jig the Goblin

I’ve seen several people talking about superhero movies recently, are there any goblin superheroes?

Braf can belch the first three verses of “The Song of Jig.” Does that count as a superpower?

-Jig the Goblin

Dear Jig, do you use the library? Do you find their obvious bias against goblin kind terribly offensive? ~Goblins Opposed to the Oppression by People (GOOP)

Libraries are dangerous. Smudge has been hanging out with a librarian, and he nearly got squished by sparkling vampires.

The chief just checked out the Hunger Games trilogy. I think he’s taking notes…

-Jig the Goblin

How do you feel about all the unfair stereotypes of Goblins in the media? Is there an anti-Tolkien coalition or movement?

Human stories tend to portray goblins as vicious, greedy, backstabbing, not-so-bright monsters. Which is actually pretty accurate. The biggest thing that bothers me is that you humans never get our noses right.

-Jig the Goblin

What’s up with Jim’s obsession with teddy bears?

Jim was a very lonely child.

Very, very lonely…

I try not to think about it.

-Jig the Goblin

Is there any cure for foot-in-mouth disease that doesn’t involve being set on fire or eaten?

Wait, humans think foot-in-mouth is a disease? Feet are one of the tastiest parts of the body! Sure, you’ve got to wash them extra well first, but still…

-Jig the Goblin

How do I help my depressed roommate do something with her life? Should I start by siccing a dragon on her, or try elves first?

This may come as a shock, but in my experience, being attacked by dragons and elves does not actually fix depression.

-Jig the Goblin